I'm so fucking centered right now
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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