Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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