One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
