We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
