I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
