Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
