K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
