You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
