what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
