He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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