He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
