just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
