so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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