your room smells of hookers.
And success
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
