I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
