quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
This toilet bowl is my home.
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