i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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