oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
