I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
