bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
