gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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