You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
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I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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