If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
