is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
All I want is dick and wine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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