We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
