There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
