Sry I called you an 8
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
