dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
