I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
