Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
