I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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