True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
