Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize