Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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