Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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