When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
