just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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