im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize