Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
