Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
