Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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