Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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