what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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