so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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