If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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