dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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