Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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