it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
