why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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