And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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