i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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