I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Holy shit dude........stairs
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
