then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she told me i tasted like america
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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