Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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