Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
