You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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