hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
