I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
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I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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