This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
