i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
