Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
