There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
