I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Boobs are out for the taking
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
