we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
