i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
