I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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