Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
