Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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