honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
