never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
